In order to head out, we had to load the babies into the van. Silas and Cooper shared the way back seat. Their carseats literally filled the entire thing. There were straps and cables coming in from all directions to hold them in place since the 3rd row did not have the latch system. Since there was no room between the carseats, LA and I had to lay down the 2nd row seat, sit on it, grab a baby, and slide them like we were at the park down into their seat. Then, somehow, we had to wedge ourselves between the 2nd row folded down chair and the carseat back in order to buckle them in. After buckling, we had to suck in our stomachs and bend ourselves to a 45 degree angle in order to reach the strap tightner which would not pull tight from the position we were in. This caused us to have to lay on top of our sons, after instructing them to hold their breath and pray not to be squished, so that we could pull the belt tightner from the correct angle. It wasn't discovered that the belts didn't tighten from the reverse angle until we got to the mountains and saw that Si was not snuggly buckled in for the entire trip. (Remember, Richard put him in his seat the first time. He is a novice.) Once we regained our bearings and dabbed the sweat from our brows, we were off!
Our first stop was the Apple Barn for a delicious meal on the swings. Closed.
Next we tried the Old Mill. Open. Score! This was by far the most delicious food we ate on our entire trip. Our waiter, however...sketchy! His name was Kip, and his parents got his name from a TV show. That should say it all, but, alas, I will continue. It began well- our drinks were full, the babies got water, he reccomended the highest rated foods (and gave us the rundown of the top 25 best sellers and why they were best sellers in order.) I missed his first rundown dealing with Silas who decided he wanted only grown up food and accidentally asked him which of two entrees would be the best choice. That started his whole spill again. Oops. For future reference, number 1 was Country Fried Steak, and I went with number 2, the delicious Chicken and Dumplings. After delivering our meal, overly jubilant Kip filled us in on his life story. He has a son named after Cade's Cove, a girlfriend with a girly pansy son named Luke, a love of the outdoors, an unbelievable memory of all things mountains, and the desire to have another child with his girlfriend since they are both already the sole caregivers of their sons. Oh, and he said Silas closely resembled some football quarterback that also has blonde hair since he was so big. If he told us once, he told us 27 times. Each time Kip returned to our table, Allen and Richard began commenting...stressed me out! Anyway, that was our only adventure for the first day.
When we decided to visit Cade's Cove a couple days later, since Kip's son was named after it of course, we got off to a late start. It was almost dusk when we got there, and there was a brisk wind. By the way, did you know that you needed tennis shoes when you go to the mountains because you might like hike or something? I didn't either! But it is true, you do. Especially if you go with the Blakeneys. I just packed 2 pairs of flats and flip flops in my 4 super large bags. I thought all you did in the mountains was shop. Lesson learned. So anyway, when we pulled into Cade's Cove after 8 stops to vomit on the side of the road since Allen was speed racing, both boys were able to get out of their carseat. Here was Silas's experience.
Here was Cooper's.
I am telling you, Cooper is the fastest most inquisitive baby I have ever seen. Silas is more of a studier. After Cooper crawled under Allen's feet to press the brake pedal twice, Allen insisted he return to his carseat. I think he was peturbed that Cooper agreed his driving was out of control. We stopped and walked around the old Baptist church, but chose to stay in the van for the remainder of the trail. Luckily we did see some deer and a red wolf.
Blakeney family Daddy and Si
Mommy and Si
On the way into the cove our gas light came on. "No sweat," Allen informed us. As we neared the end of the trail, for some reason, Dale Jr. reemerged and our speed intensified. The G's were so overwhelming that I could hardly open my eyes. I couldn't get sick because I knew it would just fly back and hit my face. I heard whispers from the front seat about us all pushing and Cooper steering. (Si would have to push too because he is a heavy weight.) Sweat beads the size of peanut M&M's began rolling down Allen's forehead. Richard was on his knees in the front floorboard pleading with God to multiply our gas fumes. Finally, after much puttering and high speed downhill coasting, a gas station appeared out of nowhere. Phew!
Then the crying started. Sleepiness? Yes. Hunger? Yes. Did Cooper eventually go to sleep? Yes. Did Silas ever stop crying? No. When we arrived back at our little cabin 45 minutes later, we discovered his diaper had leaked. Richard got the pleasure of unstrapping the spider's web of cables holding Si's carseat in place so we could wash it. If only I had videoed...
Oh, and we did have to stop to take a picture by this before we got gas.
Yes, those bears are doing what you think they are. Who carves this and thinks it is a good idea?
Outing 3- the Apple Barn. When we arrived, the parking lot appeared semi vacant. When we entered, it was wall to wall. Once we got to our table, not a swing table because the high chairs won't quite reach, I realized I left Silas's high chair cushion in the van. I headed to get it, but got wedged in behind some old folks flirting in the hall. I was too shocked to even gasp "Excuse me." Finally, Grandma looked up and yelled at deaf Gramps to scoot over and let me by. Gross. When I got back in the restaurant, I couldn't get back down the hall because of the children's piggy back freeze tag game occurring. Where were their parents? I should have known there it was time to pack it up and go home...
Our waitress was a grinch-ette. I guess I would be too if I had to wear that garb everyday, but she did sign up for it. I never knew it was such an inconvenience to get someone a glass of tea. While she was grumpily headed to put in our order and after we offered up the blessing- adding in a line about our waitress not spitting in our food, I decided to let Si try some apple butter. He loved the apple fritters, green beans, corn fritters, mashed potatoes, dumplins, and soup veggies I had let him try earlier. As soon as the apple butter on the fritter hit his lips, the gagging began. It was like a slow motion movie. He gagged. I gagged. I held my hand for him to spit it out. He gagged. I gagged. He gagged. I gagged. He gagged. I gagged. He barfed. Yes, barfed. All over his outfit. All over his cushion. It was covered in nasty chunks. I almost barfed too. You think, "No big deal grab his extra clothes in his diaper bag," right? Well, Silas hasn't needed his extra clothes since about last September. I hadn't thought of them since then. They were shortalls. It was freezing. Good-bye after dinner plans.
I told Richard to strip his longall off and I would change him right there instead of carrying a chunky barf covered baby to the bathroom through the hall of death. At that very moment, you could have heard a pin drop in our extremely crammed, over crowded dining room. The watresses froze holding their trays. The family next to us stopped moving mid bite. The table of 8 women having a ladies brunch next to us all turned their heads towards me and began eye-daggering me until I looked like Swiss cheese. You would have thought I had abused my child. No, instead I did a 20 second outer layer change at the table. Shame on me! Seriously, you might have seen his clean, empty diaper a total of 10 seconds, and it took 1o more seconds to button the straps. Geez.
After a poor quality meal, we headed home. Apple Barn, I will not see you again. Oh, and please post "No make out" and "Please save the freeze tag for outside" signs in your hallways. Thanks.
One other day, we did head to Gatlinburg. This was a fun time. Richard recorded 78 mullets, 3 unitards, and a Mennonite teenager holding hands with a boy in public. Silas loved this day because he ate a bowl of macaroni as big as his head. This was when we realized we needed to begin choosing restaurants that let kids eat free.
Macaroni and Cheese!After lunch, we went hiking. I in my adorable black flats. Silas loved it! Allen had chosen our course and swore it circled back. We kept walking, and walking, and walking. Approximately half way through, the trail still hadn't turned. Richard began muttering something about the sun going down and the Blair Witch Project. Allen began shaking and rocking in the fetal position and asked to turn around. LA and I looked at both of them as if they were crazy.
As the elevation continued to increase, Richard remembered his inhaler was at home. Allen hid his tears claiming dirt in the eye, and the babies continued giggling- having the time of their lives. Finally, we reached the end of the trail. Richard and Allen chest bumped and let out a sigh of relief. As we turned around, the grown men began having stroller races. I did have to remind Richard as he was running what I deemed dangerously close to the edge of the 45 foot drop off that our stroller had a baby in it and Allen's didn't. His competetive nature had obviously lost its everloving mind. Some of the bridges were so narrow that Richard had to carry the stroller over them because it wouldn't fit to roll.
All in all our Majestic Mountain Vacation was well worth the $xxx.xx Richard excitedly paid for it at auction. Our trip home was peacefully uneventful. I would say much more uneventful than the overnight journey. Next time, I vote drive during the day- since I obviously did all of the driving. Well, now that I am reminiscing, I do recall that maybe it was so uneventful because the overhead storage thingie kept slipping so that it made a noise similar to a jet taking off, and we couldn't hear each other think much less the babies for the entire trip... Maybe next auction, Richard will get sucked in to the action and buy a Jammin' Jamaica Getaway!
